Me: OMG my stomach just did a growl gurgle, and it was loud. It sounded like a fart.

Male Friend: Just say ‘oopsie’ in a cute voice.

Me: Nah, I’ll just pretend it wasn’t me.

Male Friend: The other day I stepped up to a urinal.  Relaxed the various sphincter muscles.  Out came a small fart. There was some guy washing his hands. I was pretty embarrassed. He pretended not to hear. I pretended it wasn’t me.

Me: I guess it’s different for girls. When someone enters a stall and pees, I hear all kinds of gnarly farts.

Male Friend: Well a urinal is different than a stall.  If you are in a stall, it’s expected that stuff is coming out of your anus. At a urinal, it’s not appropriate to fart. Not any more appropriate than farting next to the water cooler.

Me: I guess so, but these are full on wet bean bubbly machine gun farts. Like the kind you’d have if you had diarrhea. Except you don’t and you are just peeing.

Male Friend: Your coworkers are disgusting.