My butt screamed ice cream

I was at a dinner party last night. After the meal, the host served ice cream. I am lactose intolerant so it was obvious that I should have declined dessert. But who can say no to ice cream?! Not me!!!! I had three scoops. It was three scoops too many. The event lasted for another couple of hours, and my stomach had expanded a few inches. I had so much gas I almost popped off the top button of my jeans. By the time I left and drove home, I was in so much pain I could barely lift my butt cheek to let the gas out. The interior of my car does not have any acoustical qualities, but my farts definitely had movie theater amazing digital surround sound quality. The cramping eventually subsided, and the stress on my jeans relaxed a bit. Just say no to ice cream.. or maybe I’ll just have one scoop next time.

So delicious, but so violently painful to my insides.

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