A few people have stumbled on this site because they were searching “how to get rid of turtle head pain.” Hehehe.. sorry, but that’s funny. My advice* on how to get rid of turtle head pain is to take a dump. If you can’t take a dump because you’re constipated, add fluids to your diet. Drink water. That usually helps. If you want immediate relief, try Ex-Lax or some sort of stool softener. You can only get rid of turtle head pain by getting rid of the turtle head first. So grab a book and sit** on the toilet. It will come out eventually.

*I am not a doctor, so don’t take my advice.
**Sitting on the toilet too long will cause hemorrhoids.