I just discovered the secret to pooping: Eat. A lot. (Duh!) I have been dieting and maintaining my weight for the past month. Result? Mega constipation. Last night I ate a five pound slab of chicken fried chicken. Result? Five pounds of glorious poo this morning. Though I don’t recommend gorging on copious amounts of food every day, that chicken totally hit the spot, and now I can go on without eating for a week. But I won’t do that because I want to poop. I like to poop.