My friend is a manager at a grocery store. She deals with a lot of interesting customers, but there is rarely a time when she has to kick a person out.

The store restroom has two toilets. A lady came into the store to use it. One stall was already occupied by a customer, so she took the adjacent stall. She had major explosive diarrhea, so as she was lifting her dress and was in the process of sitting down, she lost control of her bowel movements and her fart box blasted open shooting gobs of steamy poo shrapnel all over the toilet, the walls, and the floor. The poo hit the floor so hard that it bounced up and hit the poor lady in the other stall. The poo victim gagged, then promptly cleaned herself up and told my friend, the manager, about diarrhea lady. Before my friend was able to apprehend her in the restroom, diarrhea lady had already gone into the store to shop. They found her by following her trail of poop footprints into the produce section. Her dress was soaked in runny diarrhea (unbeknownst to her), and she was leaning over all the fruits and veggies. She added her own organic touch to the produce.

Moral of the story: thoroughly wash your fruits and vegetables before you eat them.