Revenge of the Toilet

My friend was traveling by bus from NYC to DC. He’s a bigger germaphobe than I am when it comes to public restrooms, and I think it’s quite silly. I imagine if he had to squat or sit on a public toilet to urinate like I do, he’d probably start hyperventilating. He had to pee during the bus ride, and lucky for him there was a teeny tiny commode in the back of the bus. He felt compelled to be a gentleman and lift the toilet seat before he started his business. As he was urinating, the bus hit a pothole, and the toilet seat fell down. Unlucky for him, the space was tight and he was leaning into the toilet as he peed, so as the seat was falling it bitch-slapped his dick and gave it a high five on its way down. I did not witness this, but he frantically told me the story after the fact. And he was hyperventilating while recounting the horrible incident… it was probably wrong of me to laugh uncontrollably at him. Also unlucky for him, there was no running water on the bus– only some antibacterial hand sanitizer. He sanitized the shit outta his peen. Moral of the story, wash your hands after you shake someone’s hand. You never know where it’s been. Also, don’t have unprotected sex with strangers.

His biggest regret in life.

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