i pooped this morning, and i thought i had pooped all my poop out, but a couple hours later before lunch, i felt a bowel movement, but it wasn’t big enough to warrant a trip to the bathroom. so i ate my lunch slowly, and my intestines stopped sending me pooping signals. i sat at my desk for the next 30 minutes without the urge to poop until at 1:28pm a turd was trying to violently escape from my butt. that was not good because i had a meeting at 1:30pm. i panicked and ran to the bathroom and tried to squeeze out as much poop as i could in the next two minutes. unfortunately, my coworker saw me speed into the bathroom before the meeting, and unfortunately i took longer than 2 minutes. i wasn’t done with my business but i had to cut it off. i walked into the meeting with my head down and a turtle head between my cheeks.

this was totally me today

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