I had spicy Sichuan cuisine for lunch today. I’m sure you know what that means. I had spicy Sichuan diarrhea a few hours after lunch today. It was red, oily, and watery. When I wiped, it looked like my butt on was on her lumpy period. The toilet looked like a scene from a bloody horror movie. For a second I was afraid I had internal bleeding, but upon further inspection (lots of wiping and a wee bit of probing), I concluded it was my digested lunch and I was not dying.