Flu Dump

My employer was offering free flu shots this morning ’til 11am. I had completely forgotten about this until about 10:45am. I started making my way to the health clinic until I had a sudden urge to poo. No sweat. I am a super speedy pooper, so I could dump and make it in time for my shot. I walked to my usual office bathroom and the cleaning lady was in there. Curses. My turtle head was popping out, but I didn’t want to wait and miss my flu shot. I figured I could hold it in; the shot would take only a couple minutes, and I’d be able to walk back to my bathroom and poo in peace. Wrong. There was a 45 minute wait for the shot. I stood patiently in line, but the closer I got to the front, the more I needed to poo. I’m not fond of needles (who is??), so being nervous made my bowel movements that much worse. Flu shot done. Arm in pain, but not as much pain my butt is in. I finally made it back to my office, and I burst into bathroom only to find it was full of poopers pooping. ZOMG don’t they know how much pain I’m in? I need to take a dump, stat! And I didn’t want to use the other bathrooms in the building, I wanted my usual stall. I went back to my office in defeat and waited five minutes before I could not hold it any longer. I limped to the bathroom and prayed it was empty. My prayers were answered. It was empty, and as soon as I sat down, copious amounts of poop dropped from my butt. I’d say that was the fastest poop ever. Six seconds. A new record for me. I went back to my desk and high-fived myself.


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