I was on a very late flight last night. As usual, I relieved myself 10 minutes before boarding time so that I wouldn’t have to pee on the plane. Unfortunately, the plane was delayed without a definite time of departure so we were all told not to wander too far from the area. A few minutes turned into over an hour until we were able to board. I slept most of the flight, and as usual after every nap, I had an urge to pee. There was a lot of turbulence on the plane, so we were informed by the captain to remain seated. And like a good girl, I kept my seat belt on and did the peepee dance. My bladder wasn’t completely filled, so by the time we landed I was still doing okay. However, taxiing the runway to our gate took eons, and urine was slowly filling up and spilling out. The anxiety to get off the plane and find a toilet was making the pressure worse, and it felt like I’d burst any second. Finally I got off the plane and hauled it to the first women’s bathroom I see. Closed for service. CURSES! The men’s bathroom was open. I kept moving. I see another women’s bathroom. Closed for service. WTF! The men’s bathroom next door was open. I was tempted to go in, but I walked another 20 yards. Women’s bathroom ahead. Closed for service. ARE YOU F’N KIDDING ME?? And of course the men’s bathroom adjacent to it is open. I see one last bathroom before exiting to baggage claim. Yup. Closed for service. Who are all these people cleaning the women’s bathroom at 2 AM?! I finally find an open bathroom in baggage claim. I was dreading using that one. Every bathroom located in an airport baggage claim is extremely filthy, but I had no time to be picky. I walked in and was greeted by pee-sprayed toilets and floors. I ran to the least peed-on toilet and hovered. I couldn’t drop my pants fast enough as my pee sprayed out violently. The urine hit the bowl so hard that it splashed against my thighs and cheeks. I wanted to cry. 2 AM, delirious, and covered in pee.