Have you guys heard of the famous Cronut™? It’s a hybrid of a croissant and doughnut filled with cream and topped with a sweet glaze that takes three days to make. People line up for the confection sometimes at 5am to get a bite when the bakery opens at 8am. Well, I wanted to see what the hype was all about (I’ve had some fake Cronuts and they were alright). I stood in line an hour before the shop opened, and then it took another two hours before I was able to order my Cronut. And holy hell, it was freakin’ delicious. It blew all the other knockoffs out of the water. I inhaled mine in about a minute. About 30 minutes later I had to poop. Sweet. The Cronut is so awesome it helps move my bowels. Then another hour passed and I had to poop again. Two poops in one day? Awesome!! Then another hour passed and I had to poop a third time. Wait.. Am I pooping out my Cronut already? NO!!!! I waited three hours in line for that! I want the damned thing to stay inside my stomach for at least the majority of the day. Sadly, that was not the case. I pooped that Cronut out. It was gone. In the toilet. Down the drain. Maybe I pooped its 600 calories out too. But probably not. I miss you, Cronut!!

GET IN MY BELLY (then out my butt)

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