I was plagued with a stomach virus last week that gave me seven-day diarrhea. The first few days I was hitting the toilet 10-30 minutes after consuming anything.. a meal, a snack, a glass of water. I was running to the bathroom 7 times a day. I wasn’t in any pain, but the bowel movements came swiftly and without much warning. I’d feel an abdominal gurgle, a mild diarrhea ache would begin to surface, and suddenly my bunghole would clench to prevent poo from prematurely squirting in my underwear. I had to time my meals and snacks accordingly with prospective activities so that my ass wouldn’t blow during yoga or a client meeting. This was a slight inconvenience, but I was kinda loving having an empty colon and feeling “cleaned out.” As the virus was passing through me the next few days, I was going from 7 daily poops to five to three and then to one. I am now virus free, and I haven’t pooped in two days. Sad to say, but I miss my butt blowouts and multiple poo sessions. Time for an ice cream pity party.