shit naked

i have a fear of being burglarized while popping a squat on the toilet naked. hey, it happens.. i mean the naked shitting part. and the fear of home break ins. sometimes i have an urge to poo right before a shower, and instead of putting my clothes back on to take a shit, i shit naked. don’t judge, i know you do it, too. anyway, i feel like i’m in my most vulnerable position when i’m on the toilet, and being naked doesn’t help. especially when my dog starts to growl or bark at a noise that is inaudible to my ears. it freaks me out so i turn the alarm on via my remote. i know i’m slightly paranoid… thinking someone is going to break in to steal my worthless crap and then take photo of my naked body on the toilet because, you know, thieves always travel with a camera. hey, better safe than sorry!

this was the closest photo i could find on the internets of 'naked' and 'shit.' thanks, lindsey lohan

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