I gorged myself on creamy, rich foods today. I had a heavy cream of mushroom sauced entrée for lunch, and I had a heavy creamed alfredo pasta dish for dinner. Both meals were followed by gobs of runny, melty, thick chocolatey chocolate. By the end of the day, my stomach was distended and I looked about five months pregnant. So without any hesitation, I headed straight for the gym to burn off a few of the calories. Unfortunately, that’s when my body decided to release large volumes of gas. I could not stop farting. Usually I’m pretty good at keeping them in and making internal farts. It’s a little uncomfortable, but it’s nothing I can’t handle. But today I could not hold any of the farts in. There was just too much of it trying to escape, and pinching my butthole closed was too painful on my abdomen. Worst part of it was it was super stinky. Smelled like something died inside me and the rot was seeping out my butt. I left the gym early and spent the next 20 minutes on the toilet. Every bowel movement I had felt like I was going to push out a huge turd, but instead it was just a huge smelly fart. It has now been four hours since dinner, and wind is still gusting out my butt. On the bright side, my stomach shrinks a tiny bit with each fart. Now I only look three months pregnant.