I am a lightning fast pooper (when I’m not constipated). As soon as I walk into the office bathroom, I sit and shit in about 60 seconds. This is because I hold in my poo until the last second before my anus hole can no longer hold in my dookies. It’s a little painful to do it this way, but the faster I can get out of the bathroom, the better. You can usually tell if I’m holding in my poop. I squirm a little in my seat, and I have a bitter beer face. Sometimes if I hold it in too long, my face contorts, and it looks like someone just punched me. That’s when I haul ass to the bathroom. I did this today. Unfortunately, my coworker decided to ask me about a project as I was getting up from my chair. My facial expression was still gnarled when he came over. I think it might have frightened him so I faked a monster sneeze, held my nose, and asked to excuse myself. I don’t think he suspected anything since I came back from the bathroom within a minute. Fast pooping FTW!