Bombs Away

I started taking my multivitamins again after a 3 month hiatus. Why did I take a hiatus? Because I ran out, and I was too lazy to restock. I’ve been popping the calcium and glucosamine pills since last week, and I have not been able to poop until now. I even chugged a glass of Metamucil to get the bowels moving over the weekend, but that only gave me an upset stomach because my insides were full of stirring gas, but my butt was plugged up with a rock hard turd boulder. This morning I finally had a bowel movement. It took all my strength to push the first nugget out. I pushed so hard my thighs started trembling. Plop plop plop, one by one they densely fell out of my poo-shooter and into the toilet, splashing my cheeks. I didn’t mind the backsplash, maybe because I was feeling too lightheaded to care from all the strenuous pushing. But now as I am writing this, I want to shower and slather antibacterial gel all over my bum.

This would make my butt germ-free and smelling delicious

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