Poopy New Year

Hope everyone had a Happy New Year. This post is not really poop related, but it almost caused me to defecate in my undies.

I spent my New Year’s Eve in New York City. I had a dinner reservation on the Upper East Side, and my better half and I decided to walk back to our hotel a few blocks north of Times Square. We left the restaurant at 10:45 pm. There were no cabs, and the subway stop we were to get off at would have been engulfed by tourists at street level. So we walked. It was a 1.5 mile walk (I was wearing in 5 inch heels). As we moved closer west, we saw thousands upon thousands of people all crowded together within the blocks along 7th Avenue and Broadway up to 58th Street. We walked west on 57th from 1st Avenue to Broadway, but we had to walk through tourist barricades to get back to the hotel. At a few of the crosswalks, we were escorted by New York’s finest. By the time we made it to Broadway and started walking south, my feet were going to explode from pain. I had no idea what time it was, but all of a sudden the Times Square crowd two blocks in front of us turned around to face us and started charging in our direction. Imagine a massive herd of thousands of people running for their lives toward you. Yes. I was about to shit my pants in fear of being trampled. I looked at the scene behind them. No bombs were going off. Nothing terrorist-like seemed to be happening. The closer the crowd got to us, I could see they were all smiling. Oh. Duh. It’s already midnight. These crazy people who stood out in the cold for hours to see a tiny ball drop are now all running to get the hell out of Times Square. The crowd dispersed a little when it reached me, and I was able to safely make my way back to the hotel with my newly blistered feet getting stepped on only a few times. Poopy pants averted. Phew.

Imagine this crowd running towards you. Shit-pants.

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