Painful Bliss

I have no self control when it comes to snacks. If you give me a giant bag of chips, I will sit there and stuff my face until the bag is empty. I don’t eat it all out of hunger, I just can’t stop shoving food into my mouth when it’s so easy to grab. Because of this, I have banned myself from buying any junk food that comes in a bag. That was until I was at Trader Joe’s yesterday and saw a bag of wasabi peas. I resisted at first, but it kept staring at me as I passed it down the aisle. Wasabi peas are healthier than potato chips. They’re also really spicy, so that will help control the involuntary motion of my hand repeatedly going from bag to mouth. I bought a bag and brought it to work this morning. I opened it to have a few for breakfast. Those few turned into a few more. My nose was slightly runny from the spiciness, but my hand didn’t care so it kept feeding my mouth until the bag was empty. Whoops. I went to the grocery store during lunch and that’s when my intestines started doing some funky things. At one point it hurt so much that I crouched holding my stomach in the middle of an aisle. I pushed out a little bit of gas, and the smell was so terrible I ran away in embarrassment. I rushed home and squeezed out some sloppy poo. It smelled like rotten sewage, and it was extra spicy around my fartbox. I wiped so much my bunghole felt molested. But looking into the toilet and seeing an 18 inch poo python staring back at me made it all worth it. Total satisfaction. I like big dumps and I cannot lie.


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