There is something about weddings that make me extra gassy. I attended one over the weekend, and I had the farts during the entire reception. I would have blamed the champagne for the extra bubblies in my intestines, but I didn’t drink any this time. Could be that usually by the time the food is served, I am extra starved so I scarf down my food too quickly, thus swallowing a lot of air along with my meal. Could also be that weddings are the few places I will drink a soda or anything carbonated. Or maybe I am just allergic to weddings and they make me want to blow smelly air out my ass. Just be careful if you see me on the dance floor and Jump Around by House of Pain starts playing.