sweet release, i just squeezed out a giant turd that was clogging my intestines. unfortunately, it is now clogging my toilet pipes. oh well, you can’t win ‘em all.
just say NO to clogs
clogs suck
March 9th, 2010unworthy pos
March 9th, 2010one of the most unsatisfying things ive ever experienced is needing to drop a five pound turd and only being able to squeeze out a tiny pebble. wtf?! no matter how long i sit on the toilet or how hard i push, all i produce is something unworthy of even being called a turd. constipation is a bitch when you really need to shit.
tiny pebble
ass blaster
March 7th, 2010I was at a house party tonight when I suddenly, without warning, felt intestinal gurgles. i thought maybe it wasn’t so bad and i could hold it out until after the party, but 10 seconds in, i started sweating, my face was turning red, and i was feeling severe intestinal discomfort. what to do.. the bathroom was next to a group of guys standing around and drinking beer. i couldn’t use that toilet.. i knew something explosively loud was coming out of my ass. so i politely asked the host if i could use the private bathroom. it’s too bad all eyes were on the host when i asked… i basically announced my turd arrival to everyone. thank goodness it was quick and i was back within “pee time.” and doubly thank goodness i used the private bath… my prediction was right — as soon as i sat down my ass exploded something fierce (i had to wipe the toilet seat cover splashings). damn jack in the box sourdough burger. i curse your diarrhea-causing explosion.
Ass Blaster Master
Spartacus
March 6th, 2010“You kiss my cheek only to finger my ass.”
- Batiatus, Spartacus Blood and Sand
TV Show made of total Badassery
how do you prevent dingleberries?
March 4th, 20101. Don’t use cheap toilet paper.
2. Shave your asshole.
JUST SAY NO to Dingleberries
stains
March 3rd, 2010i had a really nice bowel movement today before my three mile run. i was able to dump a lot of poop and empty out my intestines, or so i thought. one mile into my run, there was more movement in my bowels, and yep.. turtle head. thank goodness i wasn’t wearing white (or light gray.. because, you know, light gray shows off EVERYTHING if any moisture appears… huge hint to guys who like to wear light gray shorts while working out. DON’T DO IT.)
light gray shows all your sweat stains. imagine sweating in gray shorts.. yep, crack sweat.
there’s a snake in my boots!
February 27th, 2010actually, it was in my toilet. a turd shaped like a big long gurthy water snake.
i ate buffet last night, and this morning that buffet came out of my butt and curled around in the toilet bowl. it hissed at me as i flushed it down the toilet.
toilet snake
uh..
February 26th, 2010oh em gee.. this poor girl has no idea what she’s wearing.. or does she…?
you've got some poop on your shirt..
fall back, fall back… retreat!!
February 25th, 2010after my 3mile run today, i went into the pubic bathroom to splash some water on my face and catch my breath. big mistake. someone just took a big stinky dump. probably ate some peanut butter, too. i had to abort and make a break for the exit, pronto!
omg what's that smell?!!
third time’s a charm
February 25th, 2010one of the most gratifying sounds is the sound of unclogged water suddenly running through a toilet pipe as the bowl is being plunged. for me, it’s usually the third plunge that does the trick. it’s just so satisfying to hear the water flow faster and see it drain at it’s correct flushing speed after i’ve clogged the toilet with a big fat turd.
plunge that toilet!
