My wedding came and went last week, and I am happy to say that I’ve stopped my chicken and no shits diet. I’m back to eating whatever the hell I want, and I’ve put on five pounds in less than a week. I’ve also been taking massive dumps since I’ve stopped my diet. A couple days before and after the wedding, I gorged on cheeseburgers, meatloaf, pizza, fries, french toast, pancakes, cupcakes, and ice cream. I probably should not have stopped my diet two days before the wedding because I gained a couple pounds, and my dress was really tight. But thankfully I got a mild case of food poisoning from eating a salad (that’s what I get for trying to eat healthy) and there were flash floods of diarrhea spewing out my poop hole hours before the ceremony. So I guess my dress would have been tighter had I not pooped everything out. I’ve been regular everyday since the wedding, dropping turds like I’ve never been constipated. I’m so relieved not to be dieting anymore. I loved my chiseled abs, but I love this chocolate cake more.