I am having constipation issues. Last night I sat on my toilet and pushed for a few minutes. I refrained from using any help from my deceivingly strong hands and did some good old fashioned pushin’ and strainin’ (and gruntin’). I ehhhhnned and I huhhhhhhmmed until I finally got that big ol’ sucker out of my butt. I looked into the toilet to lay my eyes on this beast my anus just birthed and was disappointed to see a small round golf ball of a turd. It was not the long girthy log I was expecting, but it definitely had girth. And it was resting snuggly inside the toilet pipe– slightly peeking out to say hi. My first hole in one.