i can’t poop

i had the nastiest farts a few days ago. i think it was the result of me eating ungodly amounts of peanut butter. i don’t digest peanut butter very well, but it doesn’t stop me from eating it. anyway, my farts were horrendous. they came out really warm and had deep intestinal smells. i figured i’d be spraying diarrhea later that night, but nothing happened. not even a bowel movement. i just didn’t have to go. the next day i was sure i’d have mushy morning poo. nothing. during the day, my farts were abundant, but they didn’t smell at all… not even a faint scent of dookie. it was just unscented gas. i was so confused. how did my farts not smell? where did all that rancid gas go because nothing solid (or liquidy) had come out of my ass yet. i didn’t poo the day after that either. i was sure something was wrong with me and that the toxins from the poo building up in my intestines would seep into the rest of my body and kill me. it had been 3 days since my last bowel movement. that was unheard of. i was a little afraid. thankfully on the fourth morning i felt some internal stirring, i picked up a book and took a ginormous dump (and read a few chapters). i couldn’t feel my thighs (or my ass) for a while.

ouch

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