I was running 10 minutes late to work this morning, and as I was about to leave the house, I had a sudden bowel movement. I didn’t know what to do… poop and be more tardy to work, or squeeze my butt shut? I don’t know if this runs true for anyone else, but when I have to poo and I for some reason hold it in, after a little while the bowel movements subside and disappear completely. When that happens, I don’t have to poo for a while. Sometimes days. I don’t know what it is, but if I hold in my poop, I become severely constipated and can’t poop no matter how hard I push. Weary of blocked bowels, I quickly decided to take my morning dump and was now 20 minutes late to work. How do I explain this to my boss? I am a terrible liar, but sharing my bowel movement with him was not an option. I decided to let him think I was just a terrible, tardy employee. Damn bunghole (referring to my butt, not my boss).

this time i really did poop.. but don't tell anyone (graphic by

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