I looked like a fool with my pants on the ground

I flew yesterday, and of course, I had the squirts. I guess I was especially nervous about flying because of all the crappy weather that’s been going on, so my intestinal gurgling started a day before my flight. I pooped out a long, mushy and skinny log that measured about 18 inches in the shape of my small intestine. It came out my butt intact and curled up in the toilet like a brown snake. When the snake detached itself from me, it left a part of its tail, so when I went to wipe, my thumb accidentally swiped it and I got poo on myself. I had poo on my thumb. I wiped it with toilet paper, but my thumb was still contaminated. It is extremely difficult to button up pants without a thumb. Thankfully I was at home so I shuffled to the sink and disinfected my hand while my pants were around my ankles. When my thumb was clean, I was able to pull up my pants and go on with my life.

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