I received this email from a friend today:

So you want to hear something gross? Remember how I told you I plugged up the toilet that one night? And then Tom had to go out into the freezing cold and buy a plunger, but Walmart didn’t have one, so then he had to go to CVS, and they had one, but it didn’t fit tight over the toilet hole thing, and so it wouldn’t suction. So the next day he had to go to Home Depot and buy a better plunger, and by then the bathroom smelled like a strong mixture of poop and Draino mixed together. Anyway that was caused by a super long turd. So yesterday I had another super long turd. And I wanted to flush, but then I was like, oh shit, is this going to plug up the toilet again? So I sat there, pondering what to do. And finally I thought, crap, I have to break it up. So I got 2 Qtips, and cut the turd into 3 pieces. I was about to vomit when I was wrapping up the Qtips in toilet paper afterwards. Then I washed my hands thoroughly.

My friends are awesome.