Ice cream does a funny thing to my digestive system. I am mildly lactose intolerant, as in I can eat cheese and drink milk and just be slightly gassy, but if I eat ice cream my stomach expands and bloats and it’s very uncomfortable to almost painful. Last night I ate a large scoop of ice cream on a sugar cone. It was delicious. After five minutes, I started to get some gas pains in my abdominal area. Then my belly started to expand and hang over my pants. And then I started farting and it smelled like rotten eggs. It was horrible. I kept dutch-ovening myself in bed. This morning I farted a big crazy sputtering fart. No smell. Nothing at all. I have no idea where all that stink went, but it wasn’t coming out of my ass. So if you see me eating ice cream, stay away for a couple of hours. Also, don’t get under the covers with me.