Pee Probs

The construction guys are back, and they’re putting new tile in my bathroom. But in order to do that they had to dismantle the toilet. They started at 9am this morning and it is now past 12pm. I was hoping they’d be done by lunch because I had to pee so badly. They left the apartment and I looked in the bathroom. No toilet– it’s still in the hallway. My bladder was about to explode, so walking around the city looking for a public toilet was not an option. I found a disposable plastic soup bowl, squatted, and peed. I underestimated the amount of urine I was holding in; it came out hard, fast, and frothy, and it was filling up the bowl quickly. I started to panic, but the flow slowed down and stopped right at the edge. That made me nervous, and I almost spilled it everywhere. I took a deep breath, steadied myself, walked carefully to the kitchen with my pants around my ankles and poured all of it down the sink, keeping the pee from splashing and having contact with any part of the sink except the drain. Success. The bowl is now in the trash. Unfortunately I just had a bowel movement. Dammit. If I can’t hold it in, I may have to find a bag…

This was me today, except I was holding a bowl. And I don't have antlers.

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