Ice Cream Curse

I got over my inability to eat ice cream pretty quickly. Even though I am lactose intolerant, I decided eating ice cream was a good idea because 1) it is delicious, and 2) it gives me hellacious gas worthy of dutch-oven’ing my fiancé. My farts that night were super hellacious. They came out hot, and they came out often. It was fun the first 10 minutes while under the covers, but then my fiancé fell asleep. My potent fumes being unconsciously inhaled into his lungs was not as satisfactory as hearing him whine and gasp for fresh air. I laid there in bed trying to sleep, but my bean blower was still blasting strong and hard. I ended up dutch-oven’ing myself for the next hour. Just when I’d start dozing off my indigestion would wake me up, and any slight movement would release the warm fart scents trapped under the covers into my nose. My bottom cheeks would not stop flapping the entire night. I woke up tired and groggy the next morning and ran to the bathroom with my butt backfiring and blowing mud all inside the toilet while my fiancé peacefully slept. I’m going to stay away from ice cream a little longer this time.. unless it’s offered to me. Then I can’t refuse its deliciousness.

I love you, but my butt curses you.

3 Comments

  1. nick nick | | Reply

    The funniest thing in eating ice cream by you is the fact that normally they’re very cold, but they cause hot farts lol

    • pooter | | Reply

      It is a mystery 😛

  2. nick nick | | Reply

    Yep, as well as the mysery of SBDs… No one knows why are they so deadly, although it’s just a tiny *hisss* But these loooong, huge blasts sometimes are hardly smellable 😛

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