I’m visiting my parents this weekend. They took me out to dinner tonight, and since I have an extra cheat meal, I ordered a lot of food. The amount was probably equivalent to what I’d normally eat if I wasn’t on my pre-wedding diet, but since I’ve been on portion control my stomach capacity has shrunk. We went to an Indian restaurant and I ordered a large bowl of extra spicy lamb curry with rice (I haven’t had carbs for 3 weeks), a large garlic naan, a basket of fries, and three giant cookies for dessert. I was so bloated that my stomach hung from my elastic shorts. I could feel stretch marks forming on my belly. I was wearing a fitted shirt, but it was too painful to suck in and appear thin. I rubbed my hand on my stomach letting people assume I was five months pregnant instead of a gluttonous fat ass. My abdominal pains were fierce. I started having them before the cookies, but I can’t say no to a cookie (or three), so I was a trooper and ate them. I was still hurting back at my parents’ house. I didn’t have a bowel movement, but I wanted to sit on the toilet anyway and hoped something would come out. Hope turned into reality when my intestines made a huge diarrhea gurgle, and two seconds later: flash flood. It looked like someone shoveled mud (or chili) and piled it in my toilet. It was foul, and my butthole was on fire. It took 5 flushes to rid the toilet of floating poo particles. I finished and went downstairs to the kitchen to replenish some fluids. I returned back upstairs, and as soon as I reached the top I smelled something eggy. The entire second floor had fart air. I went into my room were the scent was the strongest. It was worse than fart, it smelled like raw sewage, and it made me feel ill. Does this mean I get another cheat meal since I pooped this one all out, too? Actually, I don’t want to eat anything ever again (or at least until tomorrow).