Something magical happened this morning. I farted, and it smelled terrible. That could only mean one thing.. there was a turd sitting right inside my bunghole. It took a few minutes before I had a slight bowel movement. I went straight for the toilet and waited patiently for it to fall out. And fall out it did. A small, compact, mediocre sized unsatisfactory turd. You’d think a week’s worth of poop building up inside you would at least be big enough to tear your butthole as it was forced out. Not for me. But I guess in this case, a turd’s a turd. I’m happy something came out. And all it took was a bowl of ice cream the night before. Sometimes I’m thankful for my lactose intolerance. Only a few more days of this wedding diet!