I’m still on the chicken-and-no-shits diet. Still eating chicken, still not shitting. And the chicken is straight up taunting me, too. I bulk boil chicken breast at the beginning of the week and refrigerate the rest. When I open the container, a waft of fart hits my face. Why does leftover chicken smell like old man farts? It smells terrible, yet I envy it because I am not producing anything close to that scent when I pass gas. It’s like my body is not creating any waste. I’ve tried Metamucil, and it’s hit or miss. When I have too much fiber intake, I can’t poop either. I was going to hold off on the donuts and see I could poop without them, but looks like I need to eat them in order to have a bowel movement. Or maybe I just need a nice tall glass of Coca Cola. That always gets my insides rumbling. Anything with flavor will be a welcome change to my bland, no salt, no spice, no flavor chicken and broccoli diet. I have to chug a glass of water to wash down each bite. It’s quite horrible. I’m definitely not staying on this diet after the wedding.