Frozen

Our bathroom doesn’t have very good ventilation. We have to keep the window open so that it doesn’t get too humid after a hot shower. No matter what the temperature is outside, our towels are in constant danger of molding if we don’t keep the window up. This means it’s wide open everyday, during all seasons. It is hell frickin’ cold right now in NYC. With the windchill it fell below zero this morning, but the window stayed open. Taking a shower really sucks this time of year; I keep the towel as close to in reach as possible, but it still requires opening the curtain and letting the frigid air slap my body. Fortunately I only take one shower a day. Unfortunately that’s not the only time I have to disrobe in the bathroom. The window is right next to the toilet. When I pee, it freezes my butt and thighs. When I need to poo, I pray that I’m not constipated and push as fast as I can. When there is a gust of wind and I’m on the toilet, I curse Aeolus and my ill-functioning bowels. I could probably solve my problems by just closing the window when I crap, but we live in a terribly renovated pre-war apartment with windows that require the brute strength of someone brawnier than my 100 pound femininely herculean physique to slide open or close. So now I just hold my pee as long as I can until it reaches bladder-bursting levels. Drinking less water means peeing less, but that also makes me more constipated. There is no winning this battle. I will just freeze, my butt will get frostbite, and I will be sad.

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