Hover Heels

I feel like the older I get, the clumsier I become. So these days I’m forced to choose comfort over fashion: flats instead of heels. I spent the majority of my 20s in stilettos, and as beautiful as they are, they’re not very efficient for me to travel quickly from


I did the unthinkable today. I sat on someone else’s pee. I went to the bathroom to take a mad dump, and I lined the toilet seat with the protective paper and a few layers of toilet paper (for triple butt-protection). However, that wasn’t enough because when I sat down,

More Bathroom Awkwardness

I had to poop, so I did my usual sit-at-my-desk-and-hold-in-my-poop-until-the-last-second move. When I was ready to poo, I walked to the bathroom. I was wearing my jingle shoes again, but it didn’t matter because I was going to sit, shit, and return to my desk in less than three minutes.