I pooped a massive log, and as it slid out and hit the water, there was back splash. It’s usually just a couple small drops on either butt cheek, but today’s splash hit me straight in the butthole! UGH!!!! I immediately reached for the toilet paper to dab my poor orifice clean. I felt violated. I felt like millions of micro-toilet particles were surfing in my exit-only tunnel. Bidets didn’t sound so dumb at that point. At least I was at home and not in a public restroom. I immediately took a shower after I flushed.