Explosive sadness

I think I am quickly becoming lactose intolerant. I had some soft serve ice cream yesterday and soon after eating it, my stomach began to twist and it felt like my intestines were wrestling. I was a 30 minute drive away from home, and I didn’t think I could hold it in and make it to the toilet. It was so painful, and it wanted to come out immediately, I thought I was going to take a dump in my car. My toes even started to curl up. Miraculously I made it home without a tread mark on my underwear, and I sprinted to the toilet to squeeze out my own version of soft serve. The initial release was explosive and bits of it shot out before the rest of it slowly churned out some soft, buttery, swirly poo. It makes me really sad that dairy and I are no longer friends.

I used to be that cookie. I’ll miss this.

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