November has not been a good month for me. I have not pooped at all this month. Granted, it is only day three of November, but three days of not pooping means three days of poop being stored inside me, and that is disgusting. I think it has to do with all the Halloween candy I have been eating. An overabundance of candy makes me constipated, but I am weak and cannot resist the leftover Crunch bars and Twizzlers and Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. I guess I have to break out the celery.