Remember Remember Your Poops of November

Hope everyone had a delicious Thanksgiving last week full of meat, stuffing, and sweets. I shoved so much bird down my throat I felt like I was going to lay a monster egg. Unfortunately, I did not lay an egg. In fact, nothing came out of my nether regions. I had 0 bowel movements while my insides churned with a three day pileup of Thanksgiving goodness. I felt so bloated, but that did not stop me from gorging on a buffet after day three. I figured the heavy intake of food would push all the poop out my shoot, and I was correct. By the end of the meal, I started feeling sharp pains in my abdomen. That meant something was moving inside me and ready to burst out of my stomach like the scene from Alien. But I soldiered on, shoving food down my throat until my plates were clean. I felt a small bowel movement and made my way to the toilet. Sat down. Farted. No poop in sight. I pushed as hard as I could. Finally a small disappointing turd slid out, but I knew there was more. I knew that little turd was just a plug that was trapping everything inside my colon. I sat for a while longer, and then it came. A flash flood of poop soup came crashing out my butt (Exorcist spew style), forcefully hitting the toilet water and splashing everything within the vicinity of my butt (including my butt). Satisfaction. I felt like I released a gallon of liquid poo. I had little specks of poo water on my bum from the backsplash, but it was worth it. So for this month of giving thanks, I am thankful for big gnarly dumps and being able to empty my colon within seconds.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *