This month hasn’t been a very good poo month until now. I just took the biggest dump of 2014, and it only took me 3 minutes from the time I dropped my pants to zipping them back up and washing my hands.
I had a slight bowel movement while sitting at my desk, but I held it in so I could poop it out quickly and at the exact moment I was ready. As soon as the turtle head was starting to form, I briskly walked to the bathroom. The turtle head didn’t feel massive. I assumed this would be one of my typical Lincoln Log poops. I lined the seat with a toilet protector, and as soon as I sat down the poo started gliding out of my butt. I usually pinch it at around 2 seconds, but this turd kept going and going. In the amount of time it took me to release this one turd, my coworker came into the bathroom, peed and wiped before the other end of my poop hit the water. I sat there feeling pretty satisfied about my dump. It wasn’t until I looked in the toilet bowl that I high-fived myself. I pooped a 20 inch turd. That may be a record for my longest poop. I’d say that’s pretty impressive for a 100lb girl. This totally makes up for my otherwise (un)crappy January.