Peepee Dance

My pee stream has been all wonky lately. I don’t really notice it when I’m at home sitting comfortably on my toilet. But when I am using a public toilet and hovering over the seat, my stream has a tendency to stray to the right. To avoid this, I lean on my left knee and lift my right heel. It’s difficult to determine how much leaning I need to do before I start urinating, so I have to adjust midstream. I’m never able to do this calmly or steadily, so when I shift my positioning abruptly the stream will also suddenly shift. That’s when my knees begin to shake and my left heel comes up while my right heel steps down and vice versa, and my pee is starting to spray everywhere and it looks like my feet are dancing, and then I lose my balance and my bare ass falls on the dirty toilet seat. This is why I always wipe down the seat beforehand even if I’m hovering. I can’t trust my erratic pee stream and wobbly knees.

.. and don't fall on the toilet seat

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