Wipe It.

Public restroom urine-soaked toilet seats: wipe clean before use or don’t wipe? I was having this discussion with a male friend and he says don’t wipe. Easy for him, he doesn’t have to squat to pee. If I had a dong I could fling out and aim away from myself, I’d say don’t bother wiping either, but I don’t have a dong.

He argued that it’s disgusting to wipe. I agree with him that wiping someone else’s pee off a toilet seat is barf inducing. The thought of my fingers only a few millimeters away from stranger danger pee makes me nauseous. If there are other vacant non-sprayed toilets, I’d of course use those instead. But if the only option is to use a toilet that’s been violated, then I must wipe. That’s when I kill a tree and practically use the entire roll to protect my hand. It’s the only way to ensure that none of the radioactive liquids soak through the sheets and onto my fingers.

He also mentioned that it’s not that hard to squat and hover over a toilet, which can be true except when you pee a never ending river and then your thighs start to burn and all you want to do is sit down but you can’t unless you want the backside of your thighs covered in someone else’s pee.

Then he argued that I do squats at the gym so it shouldn’t be a problem. This is true, my pee squatting form has improved tremendously, but I countered by admitting that sometimes I lose my balance as I squat. He found that hard to believe since I do yoga, and my balance should be superb. Yes, I do have great balance as well, but sometimes when you pee while hovering, you don’t always shoot a straight stream, and it could start coming out at an angle, and from the way you are squatting it’s possible for the pee to start trickling forward to the left or right, thus making you jerk yourself backwards to prevent a pee-on-inner-thigh-running-down-to-your-socks episode, and that unplanned jerk can leave you wobbly and unstable, thus making you fall backwards onto the toilet, and if the toilet has not been wiped, you fall on the germ-infested pee-covered seat, and then you cry. I don’t want to cry on the toilet, therefore I always wipe. And for good measure, I line the seat in case I lose my balance. Bladder relieved, crying adverted: Wiping the seat is always a good idea.

I wish more people followed this rule.

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