Bathroom Music

I’m still having my 4th of July splatters from yesterday. I had the urge to go right after lunch, so as I was walking to the bathroom, my butt leaked a few pinches of gas. They were very small amounts, but with my watery poop so close to exploding out my bunghole, they most definitely left a trail of stink. Oops.. sorry, co-workers. Anyway, I get to the bathroom, and there is a mom peeing and her three year old son playing with toys in the stall I usually use. Yuck. What kind of mom lets her kid play in a bathroom where the floor is covered in poo and urine molecules.. including my fart molecules?! I shrug that thought off quickly because I really gotta take a shit. I use the stall two away from them, and as soon as I sit down my butt starts to play an orchestra of horns, drums, and cymbals as the poo exits my fartbox and splashes into the toilet. Ah.. relief. But poor kid. Not only is he covered in poo, pee, and fart molecules, his ears have now been traumatized by my butt symphony. I thought this for a second until he opened his mouth and said, “Mommy, you make those noises.” HAHAHA. She grabbed him and got the hell out of there fast.

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