Friend: So embarassing.  Yesterday I went to shit, and there was someone in the next stall already. His backpack and jacket were in the corner of the stall. Anyway, I sat in the next stall to poo. First I farted.  Then it was like, splash splash splash splash.  Pause.  Splash splash. Then I wiped and flushed.

Me: You splashed his jacket??

Friend: No, I didn’t.  That would have been gross.  Well anyway, as I was washing my hands the guy came out of the next stall. I did not look up at him. Dried my hands and left. But I suspect it was our new intern. I saw his backpack again outside my office. Embarrassing. When I tell him to do an office task all he’s going to hear are my splashes.